Perennial

by forfeit

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1.
03:33
2.
03:33
3.
03:39
4.
03:20
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03:36
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04:08
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03:46
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03:33
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04:15
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03:28
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02:04
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credits

released June 22, 2017

Recorded and Mixed by Andy Nelson at Bricktop
Mastered by Brad Boatright at Audiosiege
Artwork by Zak Maybaum
Layout by Jillian Rahn

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about

forfeit Chicago, Illinois

alex/zak/ryan/jeff

-Shows-
8/4 @ Blipz and Chitz, Champaign, IL

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Track Name: Remains
in silence i decay waiting for you
carrion in my garden of sorrow
you wore a wreath of flowers like the ones i grew
always in bloom thinking of you
my skin is weathered from the cold
(i've become something pitiful, i've been fading)
turning to stone
a statue now
here forever with my gaze on you
over time i crumble and i fall
in silence i decay
Track Name: Perennial
put me on a shelf in the back of your mind
as the dust collects, run your fingers over my spine
help me feel some kind of life
the light that i can see in your eyes left me long ago,
but when I see you it burns
like your heavy thoughts
(all these “what ifs” and “can’t forgets”)
i am weighing you down
like a tragic death, some things are better left unsaid
another sleepless night is proof while you cry and whisper:

"restless spirit, why’d you bring me here?
restless spirit, why’d you appear?"

a reminder of what we can’t deny:
some things cannot die, they just grow
(pulled the thorn out of your side. the bleeding didn’t stop, it just got worse.)
Track Name: Moirai
set out into the night
guided by the truth of the moonlight and you
hope springs eternal, but i have none
as i look up and realize that we see the same sky
but from different stars
home will never be where you are
why are you so far?
the lights went out
now i understand your pain
from carrying this cross that's now on my back
as i look up and realize that we see the same sky
but from different stars
home will never be where you are
grief and relief, blurring in time
the words we said are now worth nothing
under a weeping willow we will meet
(flowers on your grave mimic what i can't sat)
bathing in dirt, sound asleep

lay your bones on mine
intertwined
with this last caress
in death i am yours
Track Name: Come Home
time passed, and you so composed and resilient
never did want anyone to do anything for you
(so is this okay?)
angels in skin always within, standing around your bed
as they wait, disintegrate, come home
weak from the disease and I couldn't bare the sight
as you told me not to worry
a smile and wink, final goodbyes
your love is beside you now
though you cant speak, you both know it’s time
(hands clasped, eyes closed, praying for anything but this)
let the pain subside
come home
Track Name: The Descent
i hold my breath
i choke words back
mismanaged impression
an ending sense of satisfaction
what are we holding on for?
i lift the veil and stare into the abyss
it just stares back at me
i looked for a heaven and only saw crows
i looked for a silver lining but only saw shadows
sky singed grey
faded days replay
somewhere between heartache and longing, we reside
a tarnished memory
hanging on a waning moon, it illuminates nothing
nothing left here
giving up on everything
i am shaking, i can't breathe

to dream, to sleep, the abyss just keeps calling
Track Name: Vanitas
ethereal impressions, crushing reality
human nature, you and me
shades of red, all violent hues,
subside until all i feel are blues
as dust gathers and surrounds,
preserving me safe and sound
sealed in a room of a house
that you don't live in anymore
you never did
my petals fade when faced away from the light
close the blinds, put me out of sight
through the years i will remain
a single tear, the view is always the same
faith shaken to the core
i’m a distant star you don’t wish on anymore
but i wanted to believe
now I believe in nothing except what you showed:
betrayal is constant, and i am truly alone

you got what you wanted
Track Name: Caving
overwrought from this overdue conversation
rehearsed in my mind, but still unprepared
you looked up at the stars, felt how infinite they are
(my fall from grace)
extend that to us (how could I know)
feelings and capacities grow (that you'd remain?)
wishing we could collide (somewhere between)
when our orbits pass (waking life and my dreams)
i am a grain of sand (under a fall moon)
as you sift through these feelings (sadness and regret)
lost in time (looked beautiful through the eyes of you)
i lost you to time
lie to me, please tell me that i am wrong
shudder to think, but i can’t stop now
promise me one thing
you’ll always feel this way
trading sanity for clarity (i confess but no one believes me)
we should have known
a lifetime wasted (lost in the space of distance and time)
no end in sight
i'm caving
Track Name: Ascension
icons of sadness and saint "woe is me"
these are my saviors
a religion based on suffering
and i have not found salvation in anyone but you
so does that make me holy?
and are you an answer, or another test of my faith?

performing my own stations of the cross
i think about what could have been
focus on the hurt now
(weep as the lord did)
embrace the void

i worshiped someone once but she drove you away
made you take an oath of silence
denied you the next day

i don't believe in god anymore, now there is only you
Track Name: Witness
with grace I try (drive them in so deep)
to understand the truth (your wall starts to crack)
you wrapped in a lie (i'm your butterfly)
that brought us here (under glass)
with my palms out bending to your will
standing silent as i receive my nails
hang me on your wall in the room where you hide
smile while you forget all of the reasons why
but I remain composed, i no longer cry
you can’t when you’ve been let down this many times
future looks so grim as the days just slip away
weeks turn to months, months turn to years,
as your inaction says more than your words did
the rain falls heavy now,
i’m an animal with no ark in sight
i don't care if i die

unable to move (forced to witness)
color leaves my eyes (you carry on your life)
i don’t care if i die
Track Name: Illusory
i thought you could be straight with me
but like everything else, i was wrong
cold air can’t burn the coldest of hearts
signals missed and false starts
say “i do”
say that you miss me too
and I’ll pretend that you mean it
january brings new air
but these old habits won’t loosen their grip
as they choke any semblance of life from me
i hope you’re happy, at least one of us should be
a dog wandering on the street
you walked with me, gave me scraps to eat
(words too blunt to cut, words too blunt to cut
your worm still in my gut, i used to think this made us close)
a silent goodbye
i’ll try to understand that feelings are fleeting
and sometimes we say things that we don’t mean
i thought i meant something more to you
but i am just a stray
and it’s time for me to move on
Track Name: Fractured
it comes in waves, through peaks and valleys
unattainable and unrequited
a secret kept for far too long
i've been held captive
but, now I'm fashioning knots from my sheets
the guard's not looking, so it's time to escape

i'm on my own two legs hoping that this neck will break
sweet freedom, come to me
let this be my last mistake
Track Name: My Body As A House For Flies
locked jaw from stressful sleep
in my dreams there’s no peace
can’t escape this sickening reality
this hurt invades me
your warmth evades me
you’re blissfully unaware
at least you pretend to be
am i dying,
did you do this to me?

i’ve been keeping busy
collecting all the teeth you pulled
confessions made just for the pain
just for the look on my face when i’d realize
you’re just a devil in disguise

angels cry

raise me
erase me
i spend days gazing longingly at the sun
pretending I am capable of feeling warm
you’re blissfully unaware
at least you pretend to be
i am dying
why did you do this to me?

my body as a house for flies
embrace their halo, reject life